"Pure White Lace is enough to cut through, exposing what's beneath..."

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bellszyxx
She never knew what she wanted. All she ever knew was what was wrong with herself. She tried, and tried to find love, one time or another, every one back fired on her. Her heart couldn't take the pain anymore, but she continued to live day to day, taking a pill every morning, to ease the urge. She continuously trekked through the days, her heart barely beating, her soul searching for a break. She tried and tried again, to finish what everyone else had started. She tried to love herself, and she tried to love others back. Her heart continued breaking.

She found herself most days, laying alone while her friends smiled an laughed, a cigarette in hand, and a knife in the other. When she ventured back home, she sat alone and began to wander into the depths of her mind. She would seem as though she was catatonic. She would press the blade to her skin, to take away from the pain she felt inside of her, but it would do no good. It branded her, more and more day by day, with more memories she would forever have scarred into her skin.

She began to stitch together a smile on her face, day by day, it would grow tighter, smaller, more reserved, till there would be nothing left anymore. To her disappointment, no one noticed this, no one saw the cuts, no one saw the pain. Again, she was alone. Again, she quietly retreated to her bedroom and pulled a Marlboro from her backpack. Lighting it up quietly, she was thankful that her mother wasn't home to smell the burning tobacco. She enjoyed watching the embers burn somberly. To her, it was the life of any human being in that lit. Diminishing with every breath she took till there was nothing left.

Finishing the last cigarette in the pack she always carried on her, she picked up the blade she kept hidden in the pencil box next to her bed. She stared at the blade, gently running her finger across the sharpened surface. Bringing the blade to her wrist, she closes her eyes, to begin the numb ritual she performs day in and day out. Bringing the blade down in a long, slow stroke, blood seeps onto the knife, staining it again, what time? She lost count. She was about to make another slow stroke into her skin when suddenly, her phone began to vibrate. Dropping the already bloodied knife, her burning flesh clicked the unlock button.

Her eyes scanned over the white banner across her screen. 'One New Message'. Opening this message, her eyes began to water. The smile she had tired so hard to keep contained, burst at the seams. A radiant, toothless grin graced her sharp features. 

'I want you to know, I love you. You're the reason I'm still here. No matter what happens, I will always love you. Never leave me...'

She knew, right then. She finally had a purpose. She had to live for the blue eyes that haunted her every waking moment. The ones she only noticed in a crowd. The body she felt even when her head was turned. The heartbeat that was so familiar, the smile she was most fond of. She picked up the blade, and drew it to her skin one more time. A wave of tears flooded over her eyes.

Not realizing why she was crying, she gasped. The blade in her hand slipped with the wet liquid that seeped to the handle. Slicing in deeper than ever, she felt her veins sever. Swearing loudly, she grabbed a white blanket and began to mop up the never ending blood. Finding strength she never knew she possessed, she threw the blade against the opposite facing wall. The blade ricochet off of the plaster and clattered again the floor.

 Wrapping her arm up with the red stained sheet, she laid down. Gripping her phone tightly, she drifted into her sanctuary, her lost haven. Her dreams. 

 

Days have passed, and today... I opened my eyes for the first time.


I could feel the pieces of my heart, slowly forming back together. My eyes began to open, like a newborn. I tried to make sense of what I was seeing. It was you, You and only you in my eyes. I found my heart beating softly at first, but then it began to hum rhythmically. Looking into the sun, I realized. Today, I am reborn. 

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